In an African town, there was a boy who wasn't like other boys. Rather than being small and weak he was strong, even from birth, and he carried with him a great iron hammer and a sack. One day his mother asked him what he wanted to be called. But instead of answering her question, he asked her to gather the town elders to meet at the bank of the river.
So she did, and they came, confused. The boy led them down the river to a deep lake filled with crocodiles.
"Who will jump into this crocodile-infested lake?" he asked them, but not one dared to volunteer. After a few heavy minutes of silence, the boy turned around. And he jumped in the lake himself.
Gasps of surprise abounded from the crowd. Such a pity, they thought; the boy had just ended his life right then and there.
What they didn't know, however, was that the moment the boy had jumped into the river, time around him had stopped. The pool was enchanted, for here lived the King of the Crocodiles, ruler of the seas and user of magic. He could affect anything that touched the water for at least a day, and he had planned to use his time magic on the boy.
But the boy, by sheer strength and will, broke through the spell before any of the crocodiles of the lake could tear him apart. And with his hammer he swiftly killed all of them, finally reaching the King of Crocodiles himself.
The King of Crocodiles knew who he was, and without warning, sprang upon the boy when he saw him. But the boy, though surprised, countered easily. They fought for three days, neither letting up ground for the other. But the strength of the Crocodile King waned, for he was old and tired from using magic, and the boy won.
After the boy killed the King of Crocodiles, he rose from the lake, no one the wiser for what had happened. Everyone was amazed that the once-considered dead man had risen triumphantly from the lake waters.
And from that day on, he was known as Makoma, 'The Greater.'
Crocodile
(Source: Wikimedia)
Author's Note:
I based this story off of Makoma in the Africa (Lang) unit. At the beginning of the original story, he does call the leaders of his town to the lake and challenges them to jump into the pit of crocodiles, for the same reason in my story. However, in the original story it just says that he comes out of the pit, killing the crocodiles, and it never goes into detail as to how. So I decided to make that moment of his challenge with the crocodiles a bit more detailed.
Bibliography:
The Crimson Fairy Book by Andrew Lang (1903). Web Source: Project Gutenberg
Wow! What an intense and suspenseful story you wrote! I feel like this story would be a neat film! While I did not read this particular unit, it sounds like it was a fun one! Your author's note really helped me understand the story and the changes you made from the original one! I really enjoyed the detail and creativity you added just in the one instance in the story! This story is very fitting for the template you chose for you blog as well!
ReplyDeleteThat was a really awesome story! You were extremely creative in how you made the crocodile use magic; I find it interesting that you came up with that. I haven't read the original story, but I can imagine that yours is much better and much more interesting considering what all you said in the author's note. Also, your overall writing style is extremely easy to read, everything flows really nicely. Great job overall!
ReplyDeleteLakhshmi, I was drawn into this story right away and you kept me hooked throughout. I didn't read this unit, but I will definitely have to go back and do so now--you've got me intrigued! I loved your use of detail and imagery; I could easily see the scene play out in my mind as I read your story. You did a great job letting the events unfold naturally in your storytelling. I can't wait to read more of your work!
ReplyDeleteRight away this reminded me of a story I read for one of the Japanese units. It's called Adventures of Kintaro The Golden Boy. It seems similar in that Kintaro is a ridiculously strong boy who ends up aiding the people. Buuut, he also talks to and plays with animals for most of the story and then goes off to war. So they're pretty different. But still, it made me think of it!! haha
ReplyDeleteYou write very well! I saw no typos and it was all easy to understand. I like that you challenged yourself to add more detail than the original story. That's always fun, I think. :)
I really liked this story. I, too, am interested in adding more details to fight scenes and such. I am glad you did so, it made the story much more interesting! I thought it was really cool that you described that the fight took place over 3 days, but no one even knew because of the magic used by the crocodile. I was able to follow along with your story really well and was able to imagine the scenes in my head as I read along.
ReplyDeleteLakhshmi,
ReplyDeleteI really liked this story of your as well! I love that in your retellings, you find an element of the story that you want to know more about and you tell that side of the story. I always have a hard time getting away from the original plot, but I love that your stories always incorporate the original story broadly but then goes into detail about something you wanted to know more about. Great job!