ummm... Wow. That introduction was very powerful. I absolutely love the perspective you gave on it and the details... oh the details you gave were so incredible. I felt like I was in the doctors office sitting there in silence as I watched these events unfold!!! Well Done. I can easily relate to the doctors office setting. I work at Griffin Memorial Hospital for Mental Health. I am closely involved with the physicians that work there and the patients that come in. You did an excellent job with the description of the physician and of Sinbad himself. I loved this older version of Sinbad in a modern setting. It felt very real. Also on your home page I really like the personal photo you included. I assume it is Sinbad, but as the artist... I assume, it would be helpful to me if you included a little blurb about who this character is. Like I said though, I can tell that you put some time and effort into writing this introduction. I cannot wait to continue reading these stories! They look like they are going to be so much fun! Thanks for sharing!
This is a pretty nice site, Shmi! The illustration on the front page was really nice and matches up with my mental image of Sindbad the Sailor. The introduction was really good too. I like the idea of using the therapist-patient story structure, and even toyed with adopting it for my storybook as well. You do a good job of characterizing yourself as a therapist who is very observant when it comes to appearances, as indicated by the way your narrator character is even able to approximate Sindbad's age at a mere glance. I also like the subtle humor you add when the therapist hears Sindbad’s admission and then promptly types the statement into her tablet, as if cataloging a symptom. Beyond that, I liked the way you switched perspective midway through the story so that the audience could be treated to Sindbad's characteristic first-person perspective. I might recommend using a different symbol to indicate the section break, as I found the "@@@" to be a bit jarring though. Anyway, I read the adventures of Sindbad a couple of weeks ago and really loved delving into his adventures, so I’m super-excited to read your spin on the voyages of the legendary sailor.
First of all, I love the personal photo on the coverpage because it is your own art! It got me very interested in your storybook because I personally love drawn art and I see the dragon in the background and the man! Knowing the introduction had to do with Sindbad, I was immediately captivated because I love the stories involving Sindbad! I was not sure what kind of appointment the introduction was pointing us to but I had assumed it was some sort of medical profession. However, as I read further I got the hint that we were being sucked into the world being told by Sindbad to perhaps a therapist or a book writer, especially since the topic of his sanity was a major hit for the conversations. I like the switch from perspectives since you changed to Sindbad’s point of view because that will really be able to draw us in to the future stories he will be telling us in your storybook. I am really looking forward to the stories you will pick for your storybook and I cannot wait to see the changes you will make to them! That unit is very interesting and there is a lot of room to be creative with them!
Lakhshmi, I really like your cover page. That’s a great drawing/rendition of Sinbad and the serpent he once fought. I think it’s a great representative of the stories we’ll get to read …. All involving Sinbad. Wait just a stinkin’ second….you drew those, didn’t you!!!! Okay, Now you’ve gone and done it!! Great artistry, Lakhshmi, truly!!! I’ve adored the stories of Sinbad since I was a child and, of course, I love the Disney movie…. Who’s Bad? Sin-Bad!!! Bahahahha
I enjoyed the way your introduction was laid out. You start us off through the eyes of the therapist, tired and exasperated with “her” day. Then, you suddenly give us a twist and let us hear the presentation through Sinbad. Very nice way to start the Storybook off …. I think it’s very creative and fun.
I immensely enjoyed your first story of Sinbad’s Eighth and Final Voyage. This is a very inventive way to do your storybook, by breaking it up into sections of the adventure. You definitely have me hooked, because I have to know what is going to happen next in the story and I want to know how it will all end for Sinbad. I really like how you’ve kicked things off….I’m looking forward to seeing the rest of your stories and the finished product of your storybook.
Lakhshmi, I have already commented on your cover page and introduction, but I wanted to reiterate how great it is that you are including personal drawings into your storybook. I think that is wonderful and you are very artistic! I really love that you have continued with providing your own illustrations in your first story! It is a wonderful touch and brings a perfect perspective to your story. One of the most challenging aspects of the stories I have had so far is finding an image that is broad enough to relate to my story. I do not want to use an image that is too similar, but at the same time I want it to be relatable to my story. So kudos to you for adding your personal touch to the stories!
I really enjoyed reading your first story! It was great! When I was reading your story I could feel the push and pull of time and I could picture the scenery so perfectly! When the women dropped the flute and it shattered I pictured in in slow-motion, It was a very cool moment. My heart went out to Sinbad, the poor guy did not mean to spook the lady. I can not wait to hear more of the tales of Sinbad!
Lakhshmi, I just wanted to thank you very much for leaving such a great comment on my storytelling blog post, Kai-Lan. I really appreciate the compliments you gave me and I think you really understood what I was trying to convey to the audience. Also, thanks for the reading suggestion! I thought I chose the right reading unit that you suggested for last week, but I made a mistake. However, I will still definitely try reading it anyway!
Lakhshmi, you've left a couple on comments to a few of my storytelling posts this far in the semester, and I just wanted to thank you for all the encouraging words! Your comments give me a wonderful perspective of what others are thinking as they read my stories and It's always so great to know! Anyways, thanks for the comments!
Lakhshmi, I think your storybook is turning out SO well!! First off, one suggestion I have is that while your images are awesome and hand drawn (so cool!!!) I would consider making them just a bit smaller. This way the reader/viewer can easily view the image without having the scroll down to see it. It allows it to have more of an effect if the viewer can see the whole photo in one screen and not half of it and scrolling down to see the other half - just a thought!
Also, I thought your introduction was extremely intriguing and well written. The tone of mystery and darkness was so essential to this topic and making it an interesting storybook introduction that makes me want to know more!! The only hard part was the confusion I initially experienced when the perspectives shifted from you to Sinbad. I figured it out, but it took a couple times reading it to do so.
As for your first story, I cannot tell you how much I love your writing style!!! It is so well-written!! Your sentence structure and use of language is so powerful and very nicely done. Not many people can say that, so you definitely have a talent and way with words. Other than that, I think your storytelling was great and I am so impressed you created this story not even based off an original one! One concern I had was being confused about the Dendan and what it was. So it may have been helpful to give more detail about it and what it was going to do to the ship in the story. I know you mentioned it in the Author's Note, but I think a bit more info in the story would help the reader. Overall, awesome job so far!!!
Hey Shmi! Great job on all our artwork! You took out time into your pictures so that you could add them to your storybook. That shows how much you thought through this assignment and is an example of how much work you are putting into it. In addition to your great drawings, you have a great story as well! Your introduction was is very descriptive so readers get an idea of what you are imagining.
I also really liked your first story. It is very creative! I really like your take on the original stories using first person speech and adding your own twists to it. The sorceress is a great touch to the storyline. My favorite line of the whole passage is, “After a moment she spoke in a soft whisper, which sounded clearly in the night, as it seemed to have stilled just to hear her words.” This line gave me shivers because it was so good! It definitely sets the tone in the story and foreshadows just the right amount of spookiness to it.
Your story is very well written! I think you should add a bit more descriptions in your first story so the readers can get a clearer image. For example, maybe you can add descriptions about what the sorceress looked like. Did she have dark hair or light hair? Did she have large eyes or almond shaped eyes? Etc. Another thing is, how does Sinbad know that she is a sorceress?
Maybe you can add more description about the dendan as well because I had no idea what it was until I read your Author’s Note and saw your image for it. What is so legendary about it? Are there more than one dendans? Maybe you can add some more background information about the dendan.
Other than these small details, you did an awesome job on your storybook and I am exctied to see how you develop it!
Hello Lakhshmi! This is my first time reading your storybook. I will be commenting on all of it. I would like to start with your cover page. I really like the picture you have provided. The picture is quite good for a hand drawing. I do think you should put the title of your storybook on your cover page. That way your storybook actually has a title. I like the theme you have chosen. I don’t know if you chose the blue because of the sailor part of your title or not but I think it works great. Your introduction was good as well. I was a bit lost on where the story was going at the end but I guess that helped make me want to read more. I think you should add a picture to your introduction or at least start thinking of one to put on there. I believe in a few weeks we have to add one anyways. I am not quite sure what a jinni is in your first story. I looked it up and it said a spirit below the level of angles and devils. Is that correct? Your Photo here is great as well. I did notice that you use the word IT a lot in your story. You might want to use the “watch out for IT” next time you do your revising skill. I struggle with this as well so I try to use this revising skill every week. I hope my comments were helpful. You have a great start to your storybook.
Hi Lakhshmi! Your storybook is one I have to read this week, and this just happens to be the first time I have read yours. Since I have not read any of your storybook, I will comment on everything you have written so far. First of all, the picture you included on your cover page was great! I noticed that all the pictures you have included in your storybook are all personal photos. Did you draw these pictures specifically for this project? If so, that is pretty awesome! What a great way to add your own creativity. I think the color scheme for your storybook is also fitting because the blue color reminds me of being at sea in Sinbad's adventures. I think you did a great job in your introduction by introducing the main character, Sinbad, and did it in a way to grab the reader's attention. Creating mystery about what you were going to write about made me want to keep reading more! And wow, the ending of your first story was so capturing! "Then darkness ensued" that just makes me want to read the next story and find out what happens! I can't wait to keep reading. Great job so far on your storybook.
Lakhsmi, I’m looking for extra storybooks to read this week and this one stuck out because it’s a unit I enjoyed reading.
Your introduction is amazing! You’re the first one that I have seen use themselves as the narrator of the stories, which is very clever for your theme here. You do good to go into great detail in the beginning when Sindbad walks through the door and your description of him paints the picture of a very old, worn, out man, which is exactly what someone who has read the stories would expect. My favorite part of this introduction is when you switch gears and begin telling the story from Sindbad’s point of view. This provides great contrast with the rest of the introduction!
This story was surprising! I just expected this to be a retelling of Sindbad’s last voyage but I am very impressed that you came up with a whole new voyage for your story. Just like the introduction, the detail you provide in your story is amazing, You’re a great writer and the story flows perfectly from scene to scene. I like that you have come up with a whole new version of The Voyages of Sindbad and I’m curious to see what your next story is about!
I am so glad I got assigned to read your storybook project! I read The Voyages of Sinbad and really enjoyed the entire unit, so I really liked reading your retellings. First off, your cover page looks awesome! You are clearly a talented artist, and I love that you included your artwork here and on the first story.
The introduction also looks great. I like how you included yourself as a character. I think the therapist is an interesting incorporation, but I am sure it is greatly needed after all the craziness Sinbad encountered on his many voyages! I also like how you switched who was speaking. The transition from you (the therapist) to Sinbad confused me for a minute, but once I figured it out, I really liked it. It nicely sets the stage for Sinbad to tell his stories.
Your first story also looks to be in great shape. I like how you did not necessarily base it off of one story in particular; originality is great! You also have a unique writing style that grabs and holds my attention; your descriptions are wonderful. Also, as I mentioned earlier, I love the artwork that you included!
You have done a really nice job so far, and I am looking forward to reading more!
It is my second time seeing your storybook so I am looking forward to the changes! Like I mentioned before I am blown away by your own art. It is amazing. I am going to focus on your first story this time since I have read your introduction. I did really like your introduction since it was a gateway for Sindbad to tell us about himself.
I like the way you started out the first story. One thing I notice is that you start sentences using “and.” It makes that sentence feel very disconnected. Be very careful when you use conjunctions to start sentences. Also be careful with repetition! You start sentences with and a lot.
Other than the few suggestions like that, I really loved reading this! You use a lot of good detail to make the story come alive, so I feel like I can really sense the emotion in it. You have outlined the great adventure in a way that made me feel curious to what comes next so I am really looking forward to your next addition to the storybook!
Overall, keep it at! Sindbad has a lot of good stories to work with and the adventure is a lot of fun. I still love that you include your own artwork and it is very creative to adopt the style rather than the stories!
Wow, this is exciting stuff, Shmi! The imagery is pretty solid, and storyline itself is intriguing and your tale builds on the mystery presented in the introduction as the audience is left to ponder what exactly the sorceress meant by saying that she would break something of Sindbad’s. I’m hoping that the sorceress makes another appearance later in the Storybook so we can learn a little bit more about what she’s all about.
As it stands, you’ve done an awesome job maintaining the adventurous spirit of your source material. I think you’ve captured Sindbad’s voice quite well. And that ending is about as suspenseful as it gets. I love how you intimate the sheer enormity of the Dendan by having Sindbad at first identify it as just a huge shadow. Plus that illustration is excellent and really enhances the scene that you drew up with your words. Now I’ll forever picture the Dendan as the giant fish in your picture that looks like it could have been taken right out of a Zelda game or something. I loved the Sindbad stories and I’m loving the direction your Storybook is taking, and so I definitely plan on reading your stories up the end. Good luck writing up your next three tales!
This was my first time to read your storybook and I really like what you have so far! The image you used on the homepage is really cool and definitely fit with your theme. I also really like the colors you used. The various shades blues and white fit with Sinbad since he's a sailor and I also liked that the colors weren't too overpowering. I also noticed that your images are all personal photos which makes them even cooler! Did you draw them specifically for this project? That definitely adds your own creative touch to this project. You did a really good job with your introduction as well. You introduced Sinbad really well and kept my attention throughout - I wanted to keep reading to find out more about him. I also like how you told it from your point of view and then a little bit from his point of view at the end. The first story was really good too. You do a really good job using details so it makes it easy to imagine. Overall, I think you have done a really great job and can't wait to see what else you do!
I decided to read your storybook for one of my free choices this week. I chose yours because I really enjoyed the stories of Sindbad, so I was interested to see how you would interpret them. On your welcome page, the photo says “personal photo.” Is this your own drawing? It looks great! I just wish I could see more of it. Your site looks great and all the navigation links work, so good job on that front! Right off the bat, I liked your introduction and storybook theme! Surely, with all the crazy things Sindbad had gone through, he could use some professional help in processing it all! So I think it is terrific that you set Sindbad up with a therapist. I also like that you are the therapist; I read in your introduction post on blogger that you are a psychology major, so it must be fun to play the part of a therapist. It interesting that it wasn’t Sindbad’s desire for adventure that led him to sea again, but something deep down and unknown. It’s a very mysterious element you added to your storybook. Overall, I think you’ve done a great job thus far. Keep it up!
ummm... Wow. That introduction was very powerful. I absolutely love the perspective you gave on it and the details... oh the details you gave were so incredible. I felt like I was in the doctors office sitting there in silence as I watched these events unfold!!! Well Done. I can easily relate to the doctors office setting. I work at Griffin Memorial Hospital for Mental Health. I am closely involved with the physicians that work there and the patients that come in. You did an excellent job with the description of the physician and of Sinbad himself. I loved this older version of Sinbad in a modern setting. It felt very real. Also on your home page I really like the personal photo you included. I assume it is Sinbad, but as the artist... I assume, it would be helpful to me if you included a little blurb about who this character is. Like I said though, I can tell that you put some time and effort into writing this introduction. I cannot wait to continue reading these stories! They look like they are going to be so much fun! Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteThis is a pretty nice site, Shmi! The illustration on the front page was really nice and matches up with my mental image of Sindbad the Sailor. The introduction was really good too. I like the idea of using the therapist-patient story structure, and even toyed with adopting it for my storybook as well. You do a good job of characterizing yourself as a therapist who is very observant when it comes to appearances, as indicated by the way your narrator character is even able to approximate Sindbad's age at a mere glance. I also like the subtle humor you add when the therapist hears Sindbad’s admission and then promptly types the statement into her tablet, as if cataloging a symptom. Beyond that, I liked the way you switched perspective midway through the story so that the audience could be treated to Sindbad's characteristic first-person perspective. I might recommend using a different symbol to indicate the section break, as I found the "@@@" to be a bit jarring though. Anyway, I read the adventures of Sindbad a couple of weeks ago and really loved delving into his adventures, so I’m super-excited to read your spin on the voyages of the legendary sailor.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I love the personal photo on the coverpage because it is your own art! It got me very interested in your storybook because I personally love drawn art and I see the dragon in the background and the man! Knowing the introduction had to do with Sindbad, I was immediately captivated because I love the stories involving Sindbad! I was not sure what kind of appointment the introduction was pointing us to but I had assumed it was some sort of medical profession. However, as I read further I got the hint that we were being sucked into the world being told by Sindbad to perhaps a therapist or a book writer, especially since the topic of his sanity was a major hit for the conversations. I like the switch from perspectives since you changed to Sindbad’s point of view because that will really be able to draw us in to the future stories he will be telling us in your storybook. I am really looking forward to the stories you will pick for your storybook and I cannot wait to see the changes you will make to them! That unit is very interesting and there is a lot of room to be creative with them!
ReplyDeleteLakhshmi, I really like your cover page. That’s a great drawing/rendition of Sinbad and the serpent he once fought. I think it’s a great representative of the stories we’ll get to read …. All involving Sinbad. Wait just a stinkin’ second….you drew those, didn’t you!!!! Okay, Now you’ve gone and done it!! Great artistry, Lakhshmi, truly!!! I’ve adored the stories of Sinbad since I was a child and, of course, I love the Disney movie…. Who’s Bad? Sin-Bad!!! Bahahahha
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the way your introduction was laid out. You start us off through the eyes of the therapist, tired and exasperated with “her” day. Then, you suddenly give us a twist and let us hear the presentation through Sinbad. Very nice way to start the Storybook off …. I think it’s very creative and fun.
I immensely enjoyed your first story of Sinbad’s Eighth and Final Voyage. This is a very inventive way to do your storybook, by breaking it up into sections of the adventure. You definitely have me hooked, because I have to know what is going to happen next in the story and I want to know how it will all end for Sinbad. I really like how you’ve kicked things off….I’m looking forward to seeing the rest of your stories and the finished product of your storybook.
Lakhshmi, I have already commented on your cover page and introduction, but I wanted to reiterate how great it is that you are including personal drawings into your storybook. I think that is wonderful and you are very artistic! I really love that you have continued with providing your own illustrations in your first story! It is a wonderful touch and brings a perfect perspective to your story. One of the most challenging aspects of the stories I have had so far is finding an image that is broad enough to relate to my story. I do not want to use an image that is too similar, but at the same time I want it to be relatable to my story. So kudos to you for adding your personal touch to the stories!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your first story! It was great! When I was reading your story I could feel the push and pull of time and I could picture the scenery so perfectly! When the women dropped the flute and it shattered I pictured in in slow-motion, It was a very cool moment. My heart went out to Sinbad, the poor guy did not mean to spook the lady. I can not wait to hear more of the tales of Sinbad!
Keep up the awesome imagery!
Lakhshmi, I just wanted to thank you very much for leaving such a great comment on my storytelling blog post, Kai-Lan. I really appreciate the compliments you gave me and I think you really understood what I was trying to convey to the audience. Also, thanks for the reading suggestion! I thought I chose the right reading unit that you suggested for last week, but I made a mistake. However, I will still definitely try reading it anyway!
ReplyDeleteLakhshmi, you've left a couple on comments to a few of my storytelling posts this far in the semester, and I just wanted to thank you for all the encouraging words! Your comments give me a wonderful perspective of what others are thinking as they read my stories and It's always so great to know! Anyways, thanks for the comments!
ReplyDeleteLakhshmi, I think your storybook is turning out SO well!! First off, one suggestion I have is that while your images are awesome and hand drawn (so cool!!!) I would consider making them just a bit smaller. This way the reader/viewer can easily view the image without having the scroll down to see it. It allows it to have more of an effect if the viewer can see the whole photo in one screen and not half of it and scrolling down to see the other half - just a thought!
ReplyDeleteAlso, I thought your introduction was extremely intriguing and well written. The tone of mystery and darkness was so essential to this topic and making it an interesting storybook introduction that makes me want to know more!! The only hard part was the confusion I initially experienced when the perspectives shifted from you to Sinbad. I figured it out, but it took a couple times reading it to do so.
As for your first story, I cannot tell you how much I love your writing style!!! It is so well-written!! Your sentence structure and use of language is so powerful and very nicely done. Not many people can say that, so you definitely have a talent and way with words. Other than that, I think your storytelling was great and I am so impressed you created this story not even based off an original one! One concern I had was being confused about the Dendan and what it was. So it may have been helpful to give more detail about it and what it was going to do to the ship in the story. I know you mentioned it in the Author's Note, but I think a bit more info in the story would help the reader. Overall, awesome job so far!!!
Hey Shmi! Great job on all our artwork! You took out time into your pictures so that you could add them to your storybook. That shows how much you thought through this assignment and is an example of how much work you are putting into it. In addition to your great drawings, you have a great story as well! Your introduction was is very descriptive so readers get an idea of what you are imagining.
ReplyDeleteI also really liked your first story. It is very creative! I really like your take on the original stories using first person speech and adding your own twists to it. The sorceress is a great touch to the storyline. My favorite line of the whole passage is, “After a moment she spoke in a soft whisper, which sounded clearly in the night, as it seemed to have stilled just to hear her words.” This line gave me shivers because it was so good! It definitely sets the tone in the story and foreshadows just the right amount of spookiness to it.
Your story is very well written! I think you should add a bit more descriptions in your first story so the readers can get a clearer image. For example, maybe you can add descriptions about what the sorceress looked like. Did she have dark hair or light hair? Did she have large eyes or almond shaped eyes? Etc. Another thing is, how does Sinbad know that she is a sorceress?
Maybe you can add more description about the dendan as well because I had no idea what it was until I read your Author’s Note and saw your image for it. What is so legendary about it? Are there more than one dendans? Maybe you can add some more background information about the dendan.
Other than these small details, you did an awesome job on your storybook and I am exctied to see how you develop it!
Hello Lakhshmi! This is my first time reading your storybook. I will be commenting on all of it. I would like to start with your cover page. I really like the picture you have provided. The picture is quite good for a hand drawing. I do think you should put the title of your storybook on your cover page. That way your storybook actually has a title. I like the theme you have chosen. I don’t know if you chose the blue because of the sailor part of your title or not but I think it works great. Your introduction was good as well. I was a bit lost on where the story was going at the end but I guess that helped make me want to read more. I think you should add a picture to your introduction or at least start thinking of one to put on there. I believe in a few weeks we have to add one anyways. I am not quite sure what a jinni is in your first story. I looked it up and it said a spirit below the level of angles and devils. Is that correct? Your Photo here is great as well. I did notice that you use the word IT a lot in your story. You might want to use the “watch out for IT” next time you do your revising skill. I struggle with this as well so I try to use this revising skill every week. I hope my comments were helpful. You have a great start to your storybook.
ReplyDeleteHi Lakhshmi! Your storybook is one I have to read this week, and this just happens to be the first time I have read yours. Since I have not read any of your storybook, I will comment on everything you have written so far. First of all, the picture you included on your cover page was great! I noticed that all the pictures you have included in your storybook are all personal photos. Did you draw these pictures specifically for this project? If so, that is pretty awesome! What a great way to add your own creativity. I think the color scheme for your storybook is also fitting because the blue color reminds me of being at sea in Sinbad's adventures. I think you did a great job in your introduction by introducing the main character, Sinbad, and did it in a way to grab the reader's attention. Creating mystery about what you were going to write about made me want to keep reading more! And wow, the ending of your first story was so capturing! "Then darkness ensued" that just makes me want to read the next story and find out what happens! I can't wait to keep reading. Great job so far on your storybook.
ReplyDeleteLakhsmi, I’m looking for extra storybooks to read this week and this one stuck out because it’s a unit I enjoyed reading.
ReplyDeleteYour introduction is amazing! You’re the first one that I have seen use themselves as the narrator of the stories, which is very clever for your theme here. You do good to go into great detail in the beginning when Sindbad walks through the door and your description of him paints the picture of a very old, worn, out man, which is exactly what someone who has read the stories would expect. My favorite part of this introduction is when you switch gears and begin telling the story from Sindbad’s point of view. This provides great contrast with the rest of the introduction!
This story was surprising! I just expected this to be a retelling of Sindbad’s last voyage but I am very impressed that you came up with a whole new voyage for your story. Just like the introduction, the detail you provide in your story is amazing, You’re a great writer and the story flows perfectly from scene to scene. I like that you have come up with a whole new version of The Voyages of Sindbad and I’m curious to see what your next story is about!
Hi, Lakhshmi!
ReplyDeleteI am so glad I got assigned to read your storybook project! I read The Voyages of Sinbad and really enjoyed the entire unit, so I really liked reading your retellings. First off, your cover page looks awesome! You are clearly a talented artist, and I love that you included your artwork here and on the first story.
The introduction also looks great. I like how you included yourself as a character. I think the therapist is an interesting incorporation, but I am sure it is greatly needed after all the craziness Sinbad encountered on his many voyages! I also like how you switched who was speaking. The transition from you (the therapist) to Sinbad confused me for a minute, but once I figured it out, I really liked it. It nicely sets the stage for Sinbad to tell his stories.
Your first story also looks to be in great shape. I like how you did not necessarily base it off of one story in particular; originality is great! You also have a unique writing style that grabs and holds my attention; your descriptions are wonderful. Also, as I mentioned earlier, I love the artwork that you included!
You have done a really nice job so far, and I am looking forward to reading more!
Lakhshmi,
ReplyDeleteIt is my second time seeing your storybook so I am looking forward to the changes! Like I mentioned before I am blown away by your own art. It is amazing. I am going to focus on your first story this time since I have read your introduction. I did really like your introduction since it was a gateway for Sindbad to tell us about himself.
I like the way you started out the first story. One thing I notice is that you start sentences using “and.” It makes that sentence feel very disconnected. Be very careful when you use conjunctions to start sentences. Also be careful with repetition! You start sentences with and a lot.
Other than the few suggestions like that, I really loved reading this! You use a lot of good detail to make the story come alive, so I feel like I can really sense the emotion in it. You have outlined the great adventure in a way that made me feel curious to what comes next so I am really looking forward to your next addition to the storybook!
Overall, keep it at! Sindbad has a lot of good stories to work with and the adventure is a lot of fun. I still love that you include your own artwork and it is very creative to adopt the style rather than the stories!
Wow, this is exciting stuff, Shmi! The imagery is pretty solid, and storyline itself is intriguing and your tale builds on the mystery presented in the introduction as the audience is left to ponder what exactly the sorceress meant by saying that she would break something of Sindbad’s. I’m hoping that the sorceress makes another appearance later in the Storybook so we can learn a little bit more about what she’s all about.
ReplyDeleteAs it stands, you’ve done an awesome job maintaining the adventurous spirit of your source material. I think you’ve captured Sindbad’s voice quite well. And that ending is about as suspenseful as it gets. I love how you intimate the sheer enormity of the Dendan by having Sindbad at first identify it as just a huge shadow. Plus that illustration is excellent and really enhances the scene that you drew up with your words. Now I’ll forever picture the Dendan as the giant fish in your picture that looks like it could have been taken right out of a Zelda game or something. I loved the Sindbad stories and I’m loving the direction your Storybook is taking, and so I definitely plan on reading your stories up the end. Good luck writing up your next three tales!
Lakhshmi,
ReplyDeleteThis was my first time to read your storybook and I really like what you have so far! The image you used on the homepage is really cool and definitely fit with your theme. I also really like the colors you used. The various shades blues and white fit with Sinbad since he's a sailor and I also liked that the colors weren't too overpowering. I also noticed that your images are all personal photos which makes them even cooler! Did you draw them specifically for this project? That definitely adds your own creative touch to this project.
You did a really good job with your introduction as well. You introduced Sinbad really well and kept my attention throughout - I wanted to keep reading to find out more about him. I also like how you told it from your point of view and then a little bit from his point of view at the end. The first story was really good too. You do a really good job using details so it makes it easy to imagine.
Overall, I think you have done a really great job and can't wait to see what else you do!
Lakhshmi,
ReplyDeleteI decided to read your storybook for one of my free choices this week. I chose yours because I really enjoyed the stories of Sindbad, so I was interested to see how you would interpret them.
On your welcome page, the photo says “personal photo.” Is this your own drawing? It looks great! I just wish I could see more of it. Your site looks great and all the navigation links work, so good job on that front!
Right off the bat, I liked your introduction and storybook theme! Surely, with all the crazy things Sindbad had gone through, he could use some professional help in processing it all! So I think it is terrific that you set Sindbad up with a therapist. I also like that you are the therapist; I read in your introduction post on blogger that you are a psychology major, so it must be fun to play the part of a therapist.
It interesting that it wasn’t Sindbad’s desire for adventure that led him to sea again, but something deep down and unknown. It’s a very mysterious element you added to your storybook.
Overall, I think you’ve done a great job thus far. Keep it up!